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  • The End of the Universe
  • Tax Rebates and Common Sense
  • TV News and Jerry Falwell
  • After September 11
  • Airport Security
  • What I've Learned
  • Coke and Pepsi and The Super Bowl of 2001
  • Wisconsin
  • Education in Arkansas
  • Environmental Terrorism or Global Warming?
  • Atlanta
  • Heaven's Gate
  • TV Pilot
  • Miami and Las Vegas
  • Bill Clinton and Oral Sex
  • IHOP (The International House of Pancakes)
  • The Impeachment
  • International Travel
  • The Settling of Minnesota
  • Bringing Democracy to Iraq
  • Greed
  • Halftime at the Super Bowl of 2001
  • The Fall, Hurricanes and Weathermen
  • Minnesota Winters
  • The Coldest Winter EVER!
  • Homeland Security
  • Ireland & Health
  • Other Idiots from Arkansas
  • The Ozone, Sunblock, The Flu and Nyquil
  • Health Clubs
  • Small Pox
  • F**k, New York, Los Angeles
  • Mom And Pop
  • Getting Old Sucks
  • The War in Iraq
  • It's Just Not Right
  • Yom Kippur
  • A Sense of Humor
  • Who's F**king Who
  • The Real Problem Is Gay Marriage
  • This Moment
  • Headlines Are Punchlines And Crazy Is Crazy
  • Air Traffic Control
  • Iraq, An Idiots Delight
  • Information
  • Golfers
  • New Orleans
  • Gamblers
  • Xmas
  • MTV

One of the reasons I'm glad to be back in Atlanta is;
since I was here last time,
I made an extraordinary discovery that I really want to share with you
It's kind of overwhelming
Much more so than the discovery that N Sync was gay
You see I travel a lot,
and the fact of the matte is
in my travels I
i
found something that changed the way I look at things
From the beggining of time, man, has looked at the heavens,
and firmly believed that the universe ends out in space
It's not true
The end of the universe happens to be in the United States
I HAVE SEEN IT
and, oddly enough
it's in Huston, Texas
I know... I know... I was shocked too
I left the comedy club there and walked down the street.
On one corner there was a Starbucks.
And across the street
from the Starbucks
in the exact same building as that Starbucks,
was a Starbucks
At first I thought the sun was playing tricks with my eyes
but no
there was a Starbucks
across from a Starbucks
and that
my friends
is the end of the universe
...

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